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12/06-06/07
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The Sweater Vest - Are You Serious?
You may be reading my first and perhaps last fashion tip I have ever made public. Historically I am not in any way known as a fashionista. What I have in my closet is there because someone bought it for me.I am very simple person. I work so that I can eat. I eat so that I can live. I have sex so that I can further the species. Yeah, I may have went a little far with the last one even though my five kids can tell you that there is a certain amount of truth in that statement. That leads me to the fact that what I pull out of the closet is chosen for its ability to keep me warm, keep me cool or keep me covered. Although Matthew McConaughey and I are the same age, I do not get the same kind of reaction as he does when I walk around without a shirt.
When my wife and I first moved in together I gave her free reign in my closet. She could throw out anything she wanted. She promptly removed ninety percent of my wardrobe, including every stitch of flannel I owned. I do not want to divulge the exact amount but it could have clothed a small village in Africa. This was how badly I was out of touch. I still wore things that I had in high school in the eighties. I did put my foot down when it came to my Levi's. She did not throw them out but I was only allowed to wear them if I was working in the yard.
It was necessary to give you some background on my fashion experience or lack thereof so that when I do offer a fashion "don't" you will think twice about breaking this rule. Because if I think it is wrong then there just might be something to it.
They say all styles come back around with the exception of the Hitler mustache of course. For example I have noticed several people wearing argyle sweaters lately as well as Izod polo's. Both were big in the eighties. I really feel indifferent towards these things.
The one item I have a problem with men wearing is the sweater vest. I really do not know if the sweater vest has ever defined a generation but I do remember having a couple of them when I was in Middle School, circa 1982.
Looking at other people wearing the sweater vest now, I am a little embarrassed of that fact. It really does not look good, and I really do not think it ever will. Let's put it this way, no one will ever come up to you and say "You know I really don't like sweater vests but you really pull it off." You cannot pull it off nor should you try.
If the sweater vest is your signature look you might as well shoot the works and wear a bow tie as well. If you own one get rid of it. Put the sweater vest in the trash and walk away slowly. I say the trash because I do not know if you would want to inflict this style on someone else by donating it to charity.
Instead of donating the sweater vest to charity let's just write it off. Let's take pictures of them and put them in history books so our children's, children can marvel at them. Just like we can go to the museum and see wax statues of Indians in loin cloths the kids should be able to visit the museum and see what a sweater vest looked like when worn. I am sure you could hear the youth of tomorrow asking, "what were they thinking?"
Am I going a little too far with this? I do not think so. Of course you can put this to the test and try to impress that girl you have been flirting with. Go ahead, I dare you.
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